It’s time for more wacky adventures from Friend 1 and Friend 2! Again, not particularly original and without context. I don’t even think anyone else finds these amusing, but oh well. I guess I just like trying to write snarky dialogue.
Friend 1
So, I read an article about public litigation. It gave me an idea.
Friend 2
You shouldn’t get ideas.
Friend 1
Its my ideas that will be our ticket out of this hellhole, and straight into McDuck Manor. So you should pay attention.
Friend 2
Straight into what?
Friend 1
You never watched Duck Tales?
Friend 2
No. Scrooge McDuck frightened me. I used to have nightmares where his head would rotate, and would start reading me a list of my sins.
Friend 1
This possibly the first time I have ever been lost for words. So I’ll just pretend you never said that, and move back to my idea.
Friend 2
As long as this isn’t like the time you tried to build your own microwave. You nearly wiped out the neighborhood.
Friend 1
That was only a prototype, of course there would be a few kinks to work out.
Friend 2
I kept telling you that they don’t run on petrol.
Friend 1
Would you listen to me? The article said that people can sue for compensation if they get hurt in a public place.
Friend 2
.. and?
Friend 1
I was thinking, what if you did it on purpose? I mean, it’d be simple. Trip over drain, scream for a bit, compensation, solid gold toilet.
Friend 2
It is an interesting idea, but you would mind if I pointed out a few things?
Friend 1
Yes.
Friend 2
You’ll spend a lot of money and a huge amount of time in court. It isn’t like going to some sort of ‘Idiot ATM’.
Friend 1
What if I asked for money in hand, and threatened to sue if they didn’t give it over?
Friend 2
That’s extortion. It’s when .. oh, never mind. You’ll find out at your trial.
Friend 1
Insanity defense. I’ll just stick pencils up my nose, call everyone ‘Suzie’, and pretend that I’ve lost my mind.
Friend 2
Pretend?
Friend 1
Shut up. I’m being ambitious. It’s my new thing.
Friend 2
That can’t be a thing.
Friend 1
Who are you, the thing police? I’ll make crotch kicking my next thing if you keep being so negative.
Friend 2
In the spirit of cooperation, I could hit you in the head with this pipe that I found, would that help?
Friend 1
That’s not really an accident. Plus it’d probably, you know, kill me.
Friend 2
Yeah, I guess you’re right. But whats the point of having a pipe if you can’t use it?
Friend 1
Would you shut up about that pipe!
Friend 2
But look at it! It’s so .. big.
Friend 1
Wait, weren’t the council replacing all the pipes around here? I remember walking past the construction site and thinking that I could use a cement mixer. And I’m sick of them waking me up in the morning.
Friend 2
Yeah, a few blocks from here. And you mean at three?
Friend 1
It’s morning somewhere. That’ll be my first target. The council must have some pretty deep pockets – I mean, how else could they afford all those bins?
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