Die-alogue 2: Die-alogue Harder

It’s time for more wacky adventures from Friend 1 and Friend 2! Again, not particularly original and without context. I don’t even think anyone else finds these amusing, but oh well. I guess I just like trying to write snarky dialogue. 

Friend 1

So, I read an article about public litigation. It gave me an idea.

Friend 2

You shouldn’t get ideas.

Friend 1

Its my ideas that will be our ticket out of this hellhole, and straight into McDuck Manor. So you should pay attention.

Friend 2

Straight into what?

Friend 1

You never watched Duck Tales?

Friend 2

No. Scrooge McDuck frightened me. I used to have nightmares where his head would rotate, and would start reading me a list of my sins.

Friend 1

This possibly the first time I have ever been lost for words. So I’ll just pretend you never said that, and move back to my idea.

Friend 2

As long as this isn’t like the time you tried to build your own microwave. You nearly wiped out the neighborhood.

Friend 1

That was only a prototype, of course there would be a few kinks to work out.

Friend 2

I kept telling you that they don’t run on petrol.

Friend 1

Would you listen to me? The article said that people can sue for compensation if they get hurt in a public place.

Friend 2

.. and?

Friend 1

I was thinking, what if you did it on purpose? I mean, it’d be simple. Trip over drain, scream for a bit, compensation, solid gold toilet.

Friend 2

It is an interesting idea, but you would mind if I pointed out a few things?

Friend 1

Yes.

Friend 2

You’ll spend a lot of money and a huge amount of time in court. It isn’t like going to some sort of ‘Idiot ATM’.

Friend 1

What if I asked for money in hand, and threatened to sue if they didn’t give it over?

Friend 2

That’s extortion. It’s when .. oh, never mind. You’ll find out at your trial.

Friend 1

Insanity defense. I’ll just stick pencils up my nose, call everyone ‘Suzie’, and pretend that I’ve lost my mind.

Friend 2

Pretend?

Friend 1

Shut up. I’m being ambitious. It’s my new thing.

Friend 2

That can’t be a thing.

Friend 1

Who are you, the thing police? I’ll make crotch kicking my next thing if you keep being so negative.

Friend 2

In the spirit of cooperation, I could hit you in the head with this pipe that I found, would that help?

Friend 1

That’s not really an accident. Plus it’d probably, you know, kill me.

Friend 2

Yeah, I guess you’re right. But whats the point of having a pipe if you can’t use it?

Friend 1

Would you shut up about that pipe!

Friend 2

But look at it! It’s so .. big.

Friend 1

Wait, weren’t the council replacing all the pipes around here? I remember walking past the construction site and thinking that I could use a cement mixer. And I’m sick of them waking me up in the morning.

Friend 2

Yeah, a few blocks from here. And you mean at three?

Friend 1

It’s morning somewhere. That’ll be my first target. The council must have some pretty deep pockets – I mean, how else could they afford all those bins?

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